17. BALLROOM MANNERS

Ballroom dancing is a social accomplishment, and because of this social significance good manners are as important as the dance itself. Good manners are predicated mainly on thoughtfulness and consideration for others. When you strive to bring out the best in others—you bring out the best in yourself. Ballroom manners, just like all good manners, are based on making the other person feel comfortable and at ease.

While the trend in recent years has been toward greater informality, there are still certain accepted standards to be observed.

Invitations to formal dances are written in the third person and accepted in like manner. Invitations are customarily mailed to guests about two weeks before the party, and an invitation always requires an answer within two days after it is received, whether you accept or decline.

Informal invitations may be a friendly note or a telephone call.

If, by chance, you are out of town when the written invitation arrives and you miss the correct date for replying, then you may telephone the hostess and explain the situation. However, don't assume that the invitation still stands. In the absence of a reply from you, your hostess may have invited a substitute. Let her make the first suggestion regarding whether or not she still wants you, and don't feel hurt if she doesn't include you at this late date. You will have to remember that from her point of view—until you telephoned her—it had appeared that you were ignoring her invitation.

In making introductions, the man should always be presented to the lady. This is merely a form of flattery, as it suggests to the lady that she has the right to refuse meeting the man if she so chooses. For example: The man says, "Alice Jones, may I present my good friend, Dick Johnson?" The lady, in turn, then says, "How do you do, Dick Johnson." Then Dick Johnson says, "How do you do, Alice Jones." The man does not say, "I'm glad to meet you" unless the lady says so first. The man does not offer his hand to the lady to shake hands with her, unless the lady first offers her hand. If the lady wishes to shake hands, she should make it quite evident by holding her hand far enough away from her body for the man to see it imme­diately, then continue to hold it there until the man shakes it. To hold out her hand haltingly, or with reservations, may lead to an awkward situation.

A man should always dance the first and last dances with the lady he has escorted to the party. He should also be sure to ask his hostess for a dance at least once during the evening, unless the party is very large and the hostess obviously busy. In this case he should tell the hostess sometime during the evening how well the party is going.

When a man walks across a room toward a group of ladies to ask one of them for a dance, he should know well in advance which one he is going to ask and go directly to her. It is most embarrassing for all if the man arrives on the scene and then carefully looks over everyone in the group before making his decision. Knowing in advance whom he is going to ask for a dance, he should address that person directly.

The man who is considerate of others should not break if there are single ladies who are not dancing. The break should be used only when there are no other ladies available. The hostess usually invites more men than ladies to a dance as this keeps the dance moving smoothly and prevents ladies from having to sit on the side without partners. Men should remember that when they are invited to a dance they are expected to dance, not to go into a huddle with a group of other men and talk.

When a man breaks on another couple, he should always touch the other man on the left shoulder or arm, and as soon as the couple stops dancing the man breaking should say, "May I break, please?" The man being broken upon should look at the lady and then say, "Yes." He should then acknowledge the dance that he just had by thanking his partner and telling her he enjoyed it. The lady in turn, before starting to dance with her new partner, should likewise thank her present partner for the dance and tell him that she, too, enjoyed it. The lady should be very careful not to show eagerness or reluctance, either in leaving her present partner or in joining her new one.

Ladies should accept graciously each request for a dance. To refuse to dance with a man and then dance that same number with another man is extremely rude and is a certain road to unpopularity.

Do not monopolize too much of anyone's time at a dance to the exclusion of other guests. Try to see that everyone at the party has a happy time.

When one couple collides accidentally with another, the man should say, "Pardon me" and let it go at that. The lady should never say, "Pardon us," because it is never her fault—she dances where her partner leads her.

When a man finishes his dance with a lady, he should walk back with her to her table or to the party with whom she came. He may either walk beside her, or he may give her his arm, allowing her to put her hand on the inside of his arm. He should never take her arm and push her along as he might do when helping her to cross a crowded street. Never, under any circumstances, should he leave her in the middle of the dance floor to walk alone, unescorted, back to her place.

If your dancing is not as competent as you wish it were, don't apologize to your partner. The very worst thing you can do is to say, "I'm really not much of a dancer," or words to that effect. It gives your partner the difficult choice of agreeing with you and being rude, or disagreeing with you and being insincere. If you do the few steps you know, cheerfully and with obvious pleasure, your partner will be happy to have danced with you. Both man and lady should strive to reveal happiness by their facial expressions while dancing, not only when dancing with their very best friends, but when dancing with other partners. A lady can make herself very unpopular by showing that she does not particularly like the man with whom she is dancing.

While dancing, do not engage in any talk save small pleasantries. Avoid long conversations—concentrate on dancing. When the dance is finished, the man should not completely ignore his partner and start conversing with a nearby man on subjects of no particular interest to the ladies. Men frequently are inclined to ignore their partners the moment the dance is over. Remember that your partner is your partner until you have escorted her back to her group.

Never gossip maliciously about any one, as the person nearest to you may be that
person's very best friend. Aside from making yourself unpopular, you can very easily hurt someone's feelings.

If you meet someone at a dance whom you have not seen in several years, do not embarrass that person by saying, "You don't remember me, do you?" This says in effect, "I'm smarter than you because I can remember your name, but you can't remember mine." If there is any doubt in your mind that the old acquaintance remembers you, you should immediately introduce yourself again and say, "My name is Dick Johnson. I believe we knew each other at . . ." and mention the place.

Upon leaving a formal invitational dance, it is customary for the guests to take leave of the hostess and express their pleasure in having been invited.

Though it is not necessarily required, a note expressing your appreciation for having been invited, mailed a day or two after the party, is a gracious gesture. Espe­cially so if you happen to be a single man or lady with no opportunity to repay in kind the entertainment you have just enjoyed.

When dancing in a public place avoid awkward situations that may lead to un­pleasant scenes. Occasionally someone under the influence of intoxicating drinks may prove to be a nuisance to your partner. Ignore such unpleasant characters as long as possible. If he persists, quietly call it to the attention of the head waiter or manager of the club. Remember, too, you can always leave a public place at any time, and it is far better to leave than it is to become involved in a brawl.

During an evening of dancing at a night club, never leave your partner alone at the table.

Behind all good manners there must be a genuine desire to make the other person happy. The most important rule is to develop within yourself understanding, con­sideration, and a genuine regard for your fellow men.

Though we are not mind readers, still we can read one another's thoughts to a certain extent. Our inward feelings toward others are evident in our facial expressions and the tones of our voice. (The only way you can be sure of acting pleasantly toward others is to think pleasantly of them.) A happy countenance, radiating good cheer and friendliness is more important than attractive attire and perfect manners. All the rules of etiquette practiced to perfection in a cold, impersonal manner contribute little to the friendliness and gaiety of a social gathering.

Before going to a dance make up your mind that you are going to do everything you can to see that everyone has a good time. With that thought in mind you will have a wonderfully enjoyable time yourself. Try it and see!

Are You Ready To Move Onto The Next Lesson? Click Here….